THIS is the tale of a 26-year-old woman whose name is best keptanonymous, and whose broken heart led her last week to move from SanJoaquin County and friends she loves to Las Vegas to live with a half-sister she barely knows.
Before we learn of her heartbreak, let's meet her.
"When I was 3, I cracked my head open on a carnival ride calledthe Tilt-a-Whirl," said this young woman, whose smile and easy laughreveal nothing of the challenges she's faced in life.
Because her father and mother were traveling carnival workers, shedidn't get the stitches removed until after they'd grown into herhead. Then they had to be removed surgically.
"I have a scar that looks like a railroad track," she said, herfingers trailing through her hair.
She and her family -- which included an older half-brother andhalf-sister, all different fathers -- traveled up and down the stateworking carnivals.
Though she considers herself lucky to grow up with "a constantplayground in my backyard," life on the road could be dangerous, withgangs sometimes interfering with the carnival.
She remembers watching her father get stabbed. "Fortunately, itwasn't too serious," she said.
She also recalls when the girlfriend of a booth worker was killedwhile under a ride that was started up.
The family first worked for Foley & Burke, a carnival company thatwas bought out by Butler Amusements, owned by Butch Butler.
"Uncle Butch was always dear to the kids who were living with thecarnival," she said. "The Butler staff treated everyone as family,and made sure at night the kids were in bed or with an adult."
Her family settled in Tracy when she got old enough to
attend school. Her father
continued to work for the carnival, coming home every few days.Her mom became a waitress.
Even then, on weekends, if the carnival was within drivingdistance, the family would meet up with their father to work.
She was 8 when she got herfirst job cleaning up after games at thebooths.
"At that age I learned the benefit of working hard for what youwant in return."
What she wanted was to please others, a trait she has to this day.
"I never bought candy or toys for myself," she said. "Instead, Ibought gifts to make my family happy."
Then, life took a turn after her parents divorced.
At 11, she moved to Idaho with her father and his new wife.
At 13, she went to live in foster care in Tennessee.
At 17, she moved to Florida for six months with her mother'sboyfriend, while her mother drove trucks across the United States tomake ends meet.
Later that same year she moved back to San Joaquin County with hermom.
After returning to California, life settled down for a while, butin the past few years she's faced more than her share of hardships.
In 2002 she lost her cocker spaniel of 13 years to cancer.
A month later her father was killed in a motorcycle accident.
She lost a grandfather and both grandmothers.
In 2004 she was diagnosed with Chron's disease, only to discoverafter months of treatment and losing patches of her hair that thediagnosis was incorrect.
She was then diagnosed with endometriosis, which may preclude herfrom having children.
Fortunately, during these years she found herself a good job andmade many close friends. She even took time to do volunteer work inher community.
And before her father passed away, she learned she had anotherhalf-sister.
"She's my dad's daughter," she explained, "but even my dad didn'tknow about her until my grandma's funeral a few years ago."
Through it all, through the many homes and broken families,through the deaths and sickness, this young woman refuses to feelsorry for herself.
"Being bitter would only make me weak," she said. "I know thereare kids who've had it worse, with no one to love them. I made apromise when I was little to always be grateful for what I have andto spend my life giving others the love I know they desire."
But with love can come heartbreak.
A little over a year ago, she met a young man and fell deeply inlove. Though she and her boyfriend moved in together and spoke oftenof marriage, he began an Internet correspondence with a younger womanfrom Russia.
Still, she loved him and stayed with him, and at one point heagreed to break off the Internet relationship.
"He telephoned the girl in front of me," she said, "and told herwe were going to get married."
But the online relationship continued and a month ago she finallyhad enough.
"I spoke a truth he didn't want to hear," she said. "He spit in myface and threw me out of the house."
She was devastated.
Then, amazingly, a week later, he came to where she worked andproposed marriage.
"I loved him with all my heart," she said, "but I told him no. Itold him if we were to get married, it had to be for the rightreasons."
When she learned a few weeks later that the Russian woman wascoming to America to marry the young man, her broken heart told herit was time to move.
And so last week she did.
Today in a new home with her half-sister, she keeps the promiseshe made when she was a little girl. She refuses to be bitter. Shecontinues to love even those who hurt her and to embrace her sorrowbecause it offers what she calls a "stepping stone to strength."
It's what a life of hardship has taught her, and perhaps what shehas to teach us.
"If only everyone knew it's not the end of the world when you hitrock bottom," she wrote in an e-mail from Las Vegas. "It's only a newbeginning."
Jim Ott is the CEO of UNCLE Credit Union and an English professorat Las Positas College. He welcomes your comments and stories atjott@unclecu.org.
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